perspective changed my life

Dear universe,

perspective

a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

recently I’ve been starting to see into something I’ve been wanting to for longer then I can remember. perspective on my self-worth and how I view the world. these past few months have been rough and I barely made it but I did. I’m here to say that and that is my victory.  I thought I would do this post kinda as a reminder to those still struggling. when I say this I don’t mean I’m not still struggling because I definitely am im just doing so with a different veiw. 

so first off here is kinda an old and new perspective to give you the idea and then I’ll share how I got there.

the old –

•I’m not beautiful

•I’m worthless

•everything is my fault

•I deserve this

•I hate this, that and everything

•everything felt numb and distant

•everything I used to find beautiful I found boring, ugly, and a waste of time

•my heart had this heavy guilt, dead weight, and pain that never left.

•I was so stressed out and exhausted

•I had panic attacks and couldn’t sleep

•I felt odd and couldn’t remember what normal felt like

•I never felt hungry

•I mistreated people unintentionally

•I lost it so many times

•I came so close to ending it

•I was the help while I couldn’t receive help myself

•I didn’t see anything clearly

•I lost like 50 pounds over these few months

the new –

•I am beautiful

•I did have purpose in so many lives

•I’m not guilty of every wrong thing that occurs anywhere near me

•I don’t deserve hatred and what I sent through, does that mean I wasn’t meant to go through it? no it just means that my actions were not what caused me to go through that in most cases

•I can truly love again

•I can feel… this may sound weird but I actually have emotion now and it’s not just fake and I love it

•my heart still hurts, not as bad as it used to but it’s there now and that’s what matters

•I’ve been having less panic attacks and I’ve been actually getting some sleep

•I actualy feel hungry now and eat a little more

•I’ve apologized to those I hurt

•I no longer want to end it

•I’ve received some help from some close friends that had made a drastic deference in my life

•I’ve been able to see more clearly now

“Bethany, you are so unique (just to start off) I just love your personality and your special glow on your good days. I hate to see and hear about stuff that makes you do things to yourself. You sometimes have a really hard life that you don’t deserve to suffer with. But you’re really strong and that’s because only you can handle everything that’s going on. You are just such an amazing friend. You’re so kind-hearted and sweet and ugh. You’re one of the few people I sent a paragraph to because I really want you in this new year you’re really important and I love you so very much” – a good friend

“But that’s just not true Beth, we all have our problems but that doesn’t make us bad. Your one of the most caring people I know and you’ve never left my side since the day I met you and I appreciate that so much. I don’t think you will ever know how much I care about you because it’s impossible to put it into words. I’m so happy to be like a big brother to you. You leave such a great impression on people, and I’m living proof of that. Awe, of course I’ll stick around Bethany, even though we split you mean the world to me. Your my lil sis remember? I’ll always be here for you. Through thick and thin I’ll always be your constant to hold on to if you need it” – another good friend

these are just two of my best friends that have helped me get through this and if it’s you who said the above reading this, thank you so much. you mean the world to me and I don’t know where I would be without you.❤

so, my eyes have been opened and I am so thankful for the life I have been given.

 

10 thoughts on “perspective changed my life

  1. i love you! ❤ this post was beautiful, and i'm so glad your view has been shifted on these topics. you truly are beautiful and worth it, and it makes me smile that you're speaking that over yourself. stay strong, love. you can make it through this ❤ ❤

    ☾☼

    mckenna

    Liked by 1 person

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